the new struggle

Every single one of us is fighting his own battle. Each one of us has ordeals, and it would be very dumb to assume that people who are rich are delightfully skipping down the street, just the same as it is perfectly dumb to take a poor man’s happiness for granted.

Assumptions are a big BIG problem. The more you assume, the more your ego rises, affecting your character and your beliefs to a certain extent. No one wants to be with someone who – pretends that he – knows everything. Those who assume usually end up becoming arrogant, but an arrogant person is not necessarily an assume-r. Thus, it is safe to say that assumption is one of the sources of arrogance, and not otherwise. No one is comfortable around arrogant people. No one likes to listen to anyone for ages talking about things that are true, so imagine if that person talking wasn’t even sure! That is regarding assuming knowledge about every other thing in life. There is another side to assumption, and it is knowledge about everyone around you. And this is where my fear evolves.

I have been, for my entire life, “giving” out information about me in a pyramid format. There’s the base, the general basics that almost everyone who knows me has memorized: I don’t eat much, my color is yellow, I am addicted to coffee, I went to Haigazian University, I like twitter, I listen to music the whole time, I love socks, this guy is my boyfriend and the like… Even you, if you have read the two blog posts, each with 23 points about me, know those basics about me. Then, the less wide pyramid part is what I expose for the people I see frequently or I work with. Examples include hating two forks or two spoons in one plate, not liking this song or this color, and other specific information about myself. The closer your are to me, the more upwards I go with you in that pyramid, duh. It means you would know who I have a crush on, you would be able to predict what I am doing, you would know what sicknesses I suffer from and other more personal things, including my beliefs and lifestyle. But no, not very duh. There is the top of the pyramid, the very top, that no one actually knows. I am not hiding it and waiting for someone to climb his way up to find it, no. Let me tell you what is on that very high top:

I am not an over-secretive person, but there is one thing no one knows about me. It’s how I dissect my near-future in my head, and how I defend my “head.” You will never understand because you will know. And no one does actually, so it’s okay.

Do you remember the title of this post: the new struggle? What is this new struggle?

A man* I’ve known for 6 days has figured out the very top of the pyramid. He has gone through the first wide base, and then a bit closer to the second more specific one, and missed everything after that to hit the peak. I was more than amazed. You might now be think “wow that’s amazing someone knew, the yellow socks owner must be happy.” As a matter of fact, I have never ever felt weaker in my life. Him knowing that one secret about me has shaken my entire mechanism. And now, I struggle to live with the fact that my secret is no longer a secret.

*short, secretive, thinker, musical, athletic (that’s him very briefly)


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