dealing with the difficult

I’m up at level 2 now.

No, I’m not playing Ingress or learning how to code.

I am dealing with people who really are hard to deal with.

I am getting to know how they think, analyze, observe, feel, talk and react. Not in any attempt to memorize them or analyze them or even judge them. But I have to learn how to deal with them, same as I learned how to deal with easy-going people.

Who are the easy-going and who are the difficult? Let me explain to you.

You might think that your friend is easy-going because when you say “so where should we have dinner?” they quickly suggest an affordable good place around the corner. Or maybe you might think your friend is easy-going because they don’t fight with their partners. They might agree with you on most of the things, they might be at inner peace with themselves… Bottom line: Easy-going has no universal definition. Whom I see as easy-going might not be to you.

But difficult? Oh my! Identifying hard people is not hard at all. Here are some characters I’ve been exposed to last week.

There’s this one guy who went to school with me a few years ago, for maybe a year or a semester, I cannot recall. We took one class together, and he was so bright yet so rude. I loved him nevertheless. He was almost always silent, but you could see it in his eyes that he had an opinion. An opinion he mostly liked to keep for himself, but he had a saying in everything. He once said he “hates everyone by default” and I have seen this happen, that’s why I don’t question it. I know he does, and I know how much he cannot stand stupidity or any act of attention seeking or idiocy. He is very sharp, very smart, and not at all underrated among his friends. He has his own view on things, just like all of us, but by stating his opinion, he might come out as offensive to most of you, because of course most of you cannot take criticism. But if you really think about it, the guy is smart. And not everyone can deal with smart people. It doesn’t intimidate me, and it doesn’t scare me, but frustrates me because I would be with that person with this huge desire to learn from them, so I end up finding me being with them very difficult.

Another guy I know is difficult is a man who has learned it the hard way. Like a sailor in a moody sea, you know? He has sailed in calm waters, in windy weathers, in the sun and in the storm. He knows the difference between trash and sense. He might come off as moody himself, or maybe a little bit silent, but it’s something you will end up getting used to. This is the problem with people who tend to be silent, and this is why they are difficult characters. You need time to adapt to someone who doesn’t speak his mind often, or someone you know might be observing you better than a talkative person. It doesn’t have to put you at unease, sometimes it just makes you think. I don’t mind his silence, but I cannot deny he is a tough character.

A third difficult character I was once often around was an insecure girl. There is no problem in being insecure, or having an insecurity, I am guessing we all do, but there is a problem when your desire is to show that insecurity and try to make use of it. For example, if you need attention, you might want to think twice of decent days to gain that attention, rather than barging into a topic you know nothing about, pretend like you know everything, and lead the discussion. Another way of doing this is by staying silent, listening to arguments, reading a bit about the topic and then participating in a conversation another time and gain proper attention. The problem with those people is that they are pushy, whether deliberately or not, and I think that’s what makes them difficult. Not everyone can absorb another person’s insecurity and help him become better, or absorb it and ignore them. There are always emotions involved because of the annoyance that will be caused at some point. If that insecure person is dealing maturely with that insecurity, I wouldn’t even have a problem with them. But yes, I do find obviously insecure people difficult.

Are difficult people a challenge? Did I really level up or is that pretty normal, dealing with those people?


2 thoughts on “dealing with the difficult

  1. People. Such a simple word yet one that holds so many implications. Indeed, some spend years studying people to get a diploma in something fixed they study when people are just so fluctuating. I believe you dealing with different characters is you growing up. Because those “difficult” people added you with some value; first, now you get to differentiate between them, second, you get to understand them more. It is thus a challenge for yourself, that you overcome once you understand these people and know how to deal with them.
    Well I guess you are at Level 2 after all ma’am!

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