I can never put it in words, this rage that I feel deep inside…
Forgive and forget they said…
How can I forget? How do people get over their past?

It’s not that I’m holding a grudge against that cab driver who dropped me off a kilometer away from my destination. I’m not silly. But there are three incidents I can never forget for I have been really hurt. I try to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes and that maybe someone out there cannot forget something bad I’ve done to him/her as well. In an ideal situation, I’d wish they’d confront me. I’d either apologize because I’ve done tons of mistakes in my life which I haven’t apologized for. Or I’d explain why I had done that thing at that moment and just walk away. That is the ideal situation. But had I trusted people’s reactions, I would have called every single person I cannot forgive for having done something I cannot forget and told them ‘we need to talk.’ That way, I’d wait for them to apologize or explain and walk away. But I trust my shoes more than I trust those people who hurt me, so I’d rather not.

I always wanted her to come up to me and tell me “I’m sorry I tried hooking up with your ex boyfriend after you guys broke up,” considering we were close friends at that time. I always wished she’d whatsapp me saying “I’m sorry I dated the guy you liked while I knew it.” Maybe I don’t have anything to tell her in return, but wouldn’t it clear her heart at least? How can she live knowing that she stepped over me twice in two weeks?

I always wanted him to text me and say “I know we broke up ages ago and you’re now all over me and dating the man of your dreams, but hey, I’m sorry I told you that you hold my heart forever while in fact I couldn’t stand dating you for more than four months.” Maybe I don’t have anything to tell him in return, but wouldn’t it clear his heart at least?

I keep wondering how some people would rather die before hurting their close friends, and others can gamble on friendship for a one-night stand. For the former, are they doing it right? Does the world think they’re naive or weak? For the latter, do they really have any close friend at all? Does the world think they’re mean and strong?


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