ups ups ups downs downs downs

I have no clue what urged me to write now. I’m very sleepy, I had a relatively normal day, I’m not excited over any specific matter…

My boyfriend’s mood is always affected by mine, and only today did I notice that my mood is affected by his as well.

I saw him for fifteen minutes today and he wasn’t in his usual mood, he has midterms now and he’s a bit stressing over the whole thing. I hate exams, I hate being tested in this senseless way. I remember very little of what I studied about in university, but that’s how the system is and I’m too fed up to nag about the system. He was in those “I think I’m fine but I’m going to sit here quietly and barely smile” kind of mood. I don’t blame him at all… But after he left, and when I transformed into that person, I sat there thinking how amazing it would be if I could have taken him into my arms and told him that tomorrow will be a better day.

I stress a lot in many things in my life. It took me ages before I decided to tell mom I’m going out with a younger guy. I backed off because I know the idea would scare her, especially that him and I started going out when she was in Canada visiting my sister… Then I tried developing guts to tell her him and I really like each other and it’s not a fling, but I backed off once again because that’s just how moms are. They are designed in a way that their panic mode is always on. My mom’s “what if” situational analytical skills amaze me. I don’t plan on telling her not because I don’t want her to ask me her usual questions, but it’s just that I really can’t handle someone blaming every mistake I commit on a relationship I’m in. I’m late, yes because you’re dating. I’m broke, yes because you’re dating. I have a stomachache, yes because you’re dating. It will all go back to this relationship. I know my mom. And I don’t have the strength to convince her otherwise.

Sometimes I get really tired of fighting my own battle. I want to live with this guy, he really is supportive, respectful, smart and hardworking. But to get to this “live with this guy” phase, I have to cross many hills with him, the toughest of which is getting him through mom’s mind. I want her to give him a chance. He deserves it because he loves me, and I want her to love him as much as I do.

Other than all that romantic nonsense,  nothing much has been happening. I don’t have interesting news, I’m a bit bored at the robotic tasks I’m assigned to do, in which I cannot be creative unless I have time to be creative. And no, I don’t…

I’m going to try to organize my tasks a bit more, I got stuck with one client’s document. If you know any to-do list organizer app, send it my way (Android, please), I’d love to download some agenda and cross items off.

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2 thoughts on “ups ups ups downs downs downs

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