I am not the ideal person to be writing about this, but as long as this below remains my opinion, I will give myself the right to actually publish this post. I’ve dated guys just like any other normal girl. I’ve given my heart out on a plate. I’ve been a good friend and listened endlessly to stories. I’ve waited online. I’ve done the whole deal. Here is what I learned, from the typical duh advice you know but never follow, to personal phrases that make you ponder.
1) Guys are not enemies.
Had they been enemies, we wouldn’t have been supposed to live with one of them. Just because you dated a guy who was mean to you, and it might have been because of you, you never know, doesn’t mean you have to generalize. The new guy’s comeback will always be the win: we’re not all the same. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like him to think you’re as mean as his ex girlfriend? Exactly.
2) Guys are not girls.
One huge DUH before I start this, but no, you always forget that your boyfriend is NOT your girlfriend. He is less interested in your office gossip, less amazed to go shopping with you, less fascinated by your love for whatever-it-is-that-he-doesn’t-love and less inspired by the advice coming from your point of view only. He is a guy, he loves his own things, he wants his free time, he talks and thinks about many things differently and his patience level is not the same as yours (we all have different levels so relax).
3) Guys are literal.
I don’t think there is a guy who says something he doesn’t mean, especially when what he is saying is mean. Your hair color isn’t nice, I don’t like your dress, you are talking a lot, you are exaggerating… Whenever you hear a negative comment, take it in. All the guys I’ve known were honest guys. Don’t take his opinion too seriously if it was about something physical, like your hair or whatever, it might be his mere opinion. But when it comes to deeper things, before taking it in, think of how well he knows you and why he is judging you this way.
4) Guys date and think.
Please don’t assume from the very first date that he is the one, and don’t tattoo his name on your heart. Hold your horses because guys date and then make up their minds. Most of the girls I’ve met assumed they were this guy’s girlfriend while they were only his date. The difference is huge, and I think you know it. Take things slow, you might be the one not wanting him in a few weeks. Date, enjoy, take walks, laugh, be yourself and then decide whether this guy should and can be your boyfriend.
5) Guys rush physical matters.
Yes, we’ve heard this one million times… He kissed me on our first date, what does he think I am? Yeah well you kissed him back, did you expect him to think you didn’t want it too? We’ve all gone out with guys and felt used, but I have no idea if there are girls who physically use guys. I highly doubt, but that’s besides the point. Always talk about what you’re expecting right before, if possible, it happens. Be honest, tell him whether you’re ready or not, share with him a few personal preferences. When you do that, you will have a shot in your defense; you wouldn’t want him scoring by saying “you never said you didn’t want to.”
6) A break-up is not World War III
You don’t have to wage a war, you don’t have to stalk, you don’t to unfriend or unfollow. Remain cool about things because no one is perfect in a relationship. Had you been perfect, you would have still been together. But apparently you have flaws, or he does, it doesn’t matter. Don’t badmouth him because you wouldn’t want to be badmouthed either. Move on, stay calm, and focus on yourself.
7) A break-up is not the end of the world, either
SO WHAT? You thought you were going to get married and you broke up. Okay, now what? You know deep down that if you were the perfect match your mind had drawn, you would have lasted, but there obviously are some things you aren’t agreeing about. You broke up. And now, a week later, you’re 2 kgs fatter, you look paler, you’re depressed and you can’t stop mentioning him. Again, you don’t have to stalk. Let him live his life and respect the break-up as much as you respected your relationship.
8) Getting back together is possible
Only if you talk it through honestly. That’s why the less you babble about it, the smaller of a deal you make, the better for you. Always reserve your way back. No one drives backwards without looking. If you talked things out and it worked out fine and now you’re having a new start, you will regret all the bad things you’ve said about him behind his back, and people will not like that eventually. No one likes to hear “but wasn’t he an asshole last week?” about their boyfriend.
9) People change
Only because I have changed have I finally come to this conclusion that people do. I had a different taste, I had different needs, and I had different views. What’s important is that when you’re changing (you will mostly realize it), don’t link it to a current relationship. Keep your style because it is the authentic you. You’re dating a hippie? Great, but don’t wear Aladdin pants to impress him or blend in with this group. You’re dating a geek? Great, but don’t suddenly love pixels and video games. You’re dating a rockstar? Great, but don’t pierce your eyebrow and tongue. He likes pets? Don’t pretend you’re fine with his husky if you’re not. He loves Indian food? Don’t sweat your face off at Nando’s “sharing” him his interests. You really don’t have to change who you are and what you like because you will never adapt to the new you that you’re trying to create.
10) Get off social media platforms.
You really don’t have to let the world know you’re dating this guy. People love to gossip and you really don’t have to be the hot topic every now and then. It’s nice if you put up a profile picture with him on Facebook, but you really don’t have to upload an entire album called ~*Love !s !n th @ir *~ with a few photos of you and him around Beirut. It’s nice if you tweet him something sweet but you really don’t have to nauseate all your followers with your endless conversations on the timeline. Everyone will end up saying “OKAY WE GET IT YOU ARE DATING, BUT PLEASE GET A ROOM.” Don’t sound or seem lifeless, don’t overexpose yourself and always know your way back. Plan the failure the way you plan the success.
I don’t know how much you would agree with me, and if you know me you might think “ugh bluff, she does that!” I’m not programmed to directly implement every lesson I learn, but at least I share them with everyone!