in your loving memory

I still remember when I wrote this and how I wrote this, I was younger, I was still horrified, and in much disbelief. It felt so weird to have lost my dad, and it still wears me out and drowns me. I never intended to write about him, but then again I rarely choose any topic beforehand. That night I let it all flow. Here it goes:

Midst the silence of the night,

The sounds of wind my fears ignite.

I puffed, all alone, my cigarette,

How awful can my night possibly get?

I never collapsed, always stood tall,

Accepted all the troubles, decided not to fall.

Recalled the memories, without a glimpse of fear,

Stretched my hand out to reach you, didn’t find you near.

Trembled at some instances, shivered at others,

But remembered your smile that floated like feathers.

Cried out to you, my voice wasn’t loud enough,

Looked at the sky and yelled… Gosh it was tough!

But now after four years, I am proud to say,

I am strong enough to give it all away.

You whispered to me the last day we met:

“Take care princess,” I cannot forget.

You tapped my back, I kissed your cheek,

You struggled to talk to more, I felt so weak.

I kissed your hand, and left the room,

The next visit was at a tomb.

You left me here, in a world that spins fast,

I planted your love, it grew and will last.

I remember your voice and the actions you did,

But I don’t know underneath all what you hid.

I tried so hard to understand the way you think,

You worked away from home, I barely caught you blink.

You traveled everyday, and when you came back we played,

I wish your last flight could’ve been delayed.

Still midst the silent night,

The tears away I try to fight.

But they decided to stream down my face,

I looked in the mirror with definite disgrace.

Remembering how you used to seem glad,

When we found out the similarities we had.

And then you laughed and said it’s fine,

To have differences, we weren’t divine.

You joked a lot and had patience to talk,

And always by my side you’d walk.

You gave and gave and never took back,

You piled it up till it formed a stack.

Right now, I have no specific demand,

And nothing is at the reach of my hand.

That’s exactly why I am writing, to fill a space,

Because I looked around and couldn’t find your face.

I loved your smile and always will,

It helped me calm my inner devil.

What the hell am I without you?

I’m not one, oh no, we are two.

Now that the tears flood down like rain,

You rest in peace, but the memories remain.

The cigarette I lit burned between my fingers,

You might go away, but your image lingers…

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